Religious Zealot Explains Why She Believes Clearly Doctored Videos About...
SPLINTER, OKLAHOMA — When the right-wing anti-abortion group Center For Medical Progress started releasing videos that allegedly showed Planned Parenthood officials discussing the terms under which...
View ArticlePope Francis Shows Liberal Side By Saying Women Can Be Forgiven For Making...
THE VATICAN — Many religious scholars and American liberals point to Pope Francis as evidence of a man who can be steeped in religious dogma and yet also be quite progressive. Compared to past popes,...
View ArticleHouse Republicans Admit to Smoking ‘Just Enough’ Crack Before Planned...
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite the fact that an independent investigator hired by Planned Parenthood to do forensic testing on sting videos released by The Center for Medical Progress — a strident...
View ArticleWild-Eyed Socialist Proposes Crazy Idea to Conservative College Crowd:...
LYNCHBURG, VIRGINIA — A man that one witness in the crowd described as a “wild-eyed socialist” stormed the stage Liberty University— one of the nation’s most conservative Bible colleges — and delivered...
View ArticleTown Shocked When Local Man With Penis Declines to Tell Woman What to Do With...
MAPLE VALLEY, OHIO — Residents of a town in Ohio are reportedly still in shock over developments that the mayor has called “utterly stunning.” Late in August of this year, Matthew Williamson of Maple...
View ArticleCarly Fiorina Talks About the Time She Broke the Sound Barrier and Almost...
LESTER, IOWA — While she is climbing in several polls, 2016 Republican contender Carly Fiorina has already begun creating a reputation for herself, and that reputation is one of a woman willing to be...
View ArticleCarly Fiorina Fondly Recounts the Time She Found Atlantis
LOVITZ BLUFF, IOWA — 2016 Republican Contender Carly Fiorina regaled an audience at a campaign rally in Iowa this week with a fascinating, fantastical, and truly unbelievable account of a time she made...
View ArticleBenedict Arnold Award For Treachery Given to Carly Fiorina for ‘Selling Out...
LEE, SOUTH CAROLINA — 2016 Republican Presidential hopeful Carly Fiorina has been rising in the polls since her performance in the second televised GOP primary debate. In that debate, Fiorina attacked...
View ArticlePlanned Parenthood to Start Giving Away Free Guns With Abortions
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Officials with Planned Parenthood, the low-cost healthcare provider that has become a lightning rod for right-wing vitriol in recent weeks, have announced that they will no longer...
View ArticleAfter Cutting Planned Parenthood Medicaid Payments, Texas To Blow Up All Dams
AUSTIN, TEXAS — After its Health and Human Services Commission informed Planned Parenthood — the low-cost or free health care clinic that services millions of women’s healthcare needs a year — that...
View ArticleLocal Republican Can’t Wait to Share His Awful Views of Rape, Incest With You
LAKE CHAUVIN, FLORIDA — Lance Westmund is a 52-year-old self-described Born-Again Christian, Republican, gun owner, and current line cook at the local Chik-Fil-A in his small Florida town. He says that...
View ArticleBen Carson: Not Claiming Your Farts Is ‘Exactly Like Slavery’
MORAN, NEW HAMPSHIRE — Dr. Ben Carson has drawn some controversial comparisons between slavery and other issues facing Americans today as he continues his bid for the 2016 Republican presidential...
View ArticleBen Carson: I Used To Be a Violent Jerk, Now I’m Just a Stupid One!
BABILLAGE FIELDS, NEW HAMPSHIRE — Supporters of Dr. Ben Carson, the 2016 Republican presidential candidate and neurosurgeon, may have winced a bit recently when he told Chuck Todd on NBC’s “Meet the...
View ArticleBen Carson Campaign Clears Entire Schedule to Allow More ‘Incoherent Babbling...
BALBUCEO, NEW MEXICO — Sources close to the presidential campaign of Dr. Ben Carson are saying that he and his staff have made a key decision in regards to the schedule they will keep. According to at...
View ArticleTons of Morons Have Wasted $10 Million Donating To Another Moron’s...
Representatives from the Ben Carson 2016 campaign are positively beaming. According to records released by the campaign, the neurosurgeon took in about $10 million in donations for the month of...
View ArticleCarson: I May Not Be the First Black President, But I’ll Be the First Openly...
QUAYLE COUNTY, IOWA — Dr. Ben Carson is currently either leading or just behind billionaire Donald Trump in most polls regarding the 2016 Republican presidential primary. Sources close to Carson are...
View ArticleFuming Fiorina to Ben Carson: I’m the Liar, You’re The Dumb One!
MORANVILLE, NEW HAMPSHIRE — Several sources close to both campaigns are confirming at time of publication that 2016 Republican presidential candidate Carly Fiorina is fuming mad at fellow-candidate and...
View ArticleWho Said It: Ben Carson or A Box Of Rocks?
No one would likely accuse 2016 Republican front runner Dr. Ben Carson of being very bright, despite what his former job title of “neurosurgeon” might imply. Whether he’s pontificating on his theories...
View ArticleLocal Republican ‘Tremendously Upset’ Colorado Planned Parenthood Shooter Not...
BEDFORD, TENNESEE — Calvin Ryan is a 42-year old self-described “conservative Republican.” Ryan runs a couple of right-wing Facebook pages that he says are “fact-based takedowns of libtard ideas.” On...
View ArticleOut of Gravy, Carly Fiorina Uses Blood of Planned Parenthood Victims For...
MASON NECK, VIRGINIA — Not more than a few hours after she told Fox News that any attempts to hold her accountable for her anti-Planned Parenthood rhetoric in the wake of a man’s armed assault against...
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